Scenes we’d like to have seen

This is how it might have happened

Interior shot of ‘Speaker’ Mike Johnson’s office in D.C. Phone rings:

“Hi Mike, this is Joe Richguy, how you doing?”

“Hello Joe. I’m following the party line, but it’s getting a little touchy here. Some of the folks really want to help the Ukrainians and some are really, really, itchy to send guns to Israel.”

“Yeah, about that, I’ve been doing some thinking, and talking to some of the boys down here and it might be time to change things up a little.”

(Johnson, nervously) “Change things up how, Joe? I’ve been hanging pretty tough.

“Not to worry Mike, we’ve got your back, including taking care of anybody who might be thinking about a primary challenge. We’re just not sure that an indicted ex-president is who we want representing us, especially since the current guy is doing OK with some leasing and permitting changes.”

“So, what kind of changes are we talking about Joe?”

“We’re thinking maybe the aid package is not a bad idea, after all, things aren’t looking real bright in Russia right now and Comrade Putin ain’t gonna live for ever is he? What are the chances you can get a bill through with everything except the border stuff? Kennedy says that isn’t gonna fly in the Senate.”

“I can get that through over the weekend, that’s what everybody except the nut jobs want anyway. I just don’t know how I’ll get past them without a move to vacate and I’m sort of starting to like this job.”

“Oh, I think we can handle that; I’ve been calling around, and there are some other folks who have pretty deep pockets and think they can break away some of that crowd. Nobody really wants their picture in the paper with Greene, Massie, and that Nazi nut from Arizona, and the election is getting closer. From the look of things in NYC, our old former president could be losing a lot of his pizazz along with a bunch of money and, maybe, be looking at some new living quarters – a little bit lower rent than he’s used to. We just want to be ready for anything that might come up and even some of our papers and stations are starting to get antsy about some of the weird stuff these guys are doing.” F.A.R.T? Really??”

“OK Joe, thanks. I’ll make a few phone calls here and put something together that we can run past the White House and send to the Senate. I appreciate you clearing the air on this, I’m breathing a little better already. You stay in touch, and give my best to the Mrs.”